04 June 2007
I found this in the comments on Rest Area 300m,the blog of the late (great) Simon Lindsay who passed away last week.
It gave me the shivers.
At about the time he died, I was putting the final touches on a post for Mainz Daily Photo, lamenting the relegation of our local team to the Second Division.
Same biblical style. Not nearly as good as his.
I think we probably both nicked it from here.
I'd have him down as a "Punch" reader
Simon's Lament (after he had to fill some cracks in the road on Mt Messenger)
And it was the feast of St. Patrick and there was much rejoicing throughout the land.
At the fourth hour the Prophet Burnard ran from his tent and cried, "A voice has called unto me from on high, The Mount of the Messenger has been rent in two, and will swallow all the things of the earth."
And great was the lamentation and weeping.
And the people saith unto the Prophet Burnard, "Tell us this is not true, for surely we will all be swallowed up.
And he sayeth, "Truly the words have come down from on high, from the Wise Ones, The Mountain is split asunder.
And he bade his disciple Simon to take up the sacred tar pot, and some of the finest sand, and he said, "Have Faith, Take thee to the mountain and heal the rent, that all may be saved.
And Simon took up the sacred tar pot and some of the finest sand and mounting his Isuzu he hastened to the Mountain.
And he travelled swiftly though his mount was of great age and had travelled to all corners of the kingdom many times.
And he poured the tar pot into the rent, and sprinkled sand and made the sacred incantations.
And his wife, who was returning from afar, saw him, and stopped, and mocked him, saying "Thou Fool, what art thou doing in this deluge with sand and a filthy black pot, for thy friends are feasting and making merry,
But Simon had faith and poured the holy tar pot, and lo the rent was healed, and the Mountain was joined as one.
And being of great thirst, he hastened to the Inn, and gave thanks and there after spoke in tongues, and layeth in the gutter.
And his wife said, "Truly thou art a great and aged fool, For thou drinketh the foul black stuff, and thou sprinkleth black stuff on the highway with sand and glowing orbs, and vestments of orange, and I have slaughtered and readied the fatted sausage in your honour, and you eateth not, but have fallen in with all manner of people in drunkenness.
And the keeper of the Inn spake, saying thus, "This man hath held the sacred lollypop and knoweth the signs and portents that litter this land, he hath smoothed the afflicted highways, and eased the lot of wayfarers, he feedeth my till, and dribbleth not, unlike the Prophet Burnard.
Let him sleep in thy bed and curseth not, for when the time cometh, and he is called, the heavenly gates may need oiling and the divine pot holes filling and he shall have a golden tar pot and sit at the CEO`s right hand."