Who's gay? Part 2

Lufthansa, of course, gets it all wrong.....








But it wasn't always like that.

Back in the Dark Ages, we had the (almost) perfectly PC team.

Even the most innocuous statement had a fair chance of offending at least one of us ...

Walter Scheel : Ossi (and in those days a "Must Have" if you had ambitions of being recognised as an Equal Opportunity employer)

Andreas Mann: Jewish

Sabine Grebe: Female

JB: The token Ausländer

And - this is the "almost" - Dieter Pannek: WASP, married, 2 kids, straight.

The issue of his lack of diversity did crop up on occasion, but he remained unconvinced......

Who's gay? Part 1

I just love Political Correctness.

Especially in corporate America.

They have competitions for it over there.

The idea is to cram as much diversity as possible into a single blissfully-posed corporate image

The rules are simple:

1 point per diversity and a bonus point for each combination in an individual. (The lady on the right, for example, gets 2 points: female and Asian)

I think Merrill Lynch might have a winner here - 10.5 points from 6 individuals, but there's definitely room for improvement:

Chronologically gifted (1) male who we can assume is wearing a kippah (1). You can't actually see it, but why else would the top of his head be cropped ..?

American-Indian (1) female (1)

Female of non-colour (1) - disappointingly uncreative - she's not even vertically challenged, which would have garnered her a bonus point.

Male person of colour (1) - again, points up for grabs, although you can't actually see the back of his chair, so he might - just might - be in a mobility device aka wheelchair and thus differently abled (0.5 - benefit of the doubt)

Asian (1) female (1)

The guy in the blue shirt is tricky, but I'm guessing Indian (1)

But no person of obvious gay persuasion.......

Maybe the photographer?

A bit late, but anyway....

From me ("the wishor") to you ("hereinafter called the wishee"), please accept without obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, politically correct, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral, celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all...and a financially successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2007, but with due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures or sects, and having regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith, choice of computer platform or dietary preference of the wishee.

By accepting this greeting you are bound by these terms:

This greeting is subject to further clarification or withdrawal.

This greeting is freely transferable provided that no alteration shall be made to the original greeting and that the proprietary rights of the wishor are acknowledged.

This greeting implies no promise by the wishor to actually implement any of the wishes.

This greeting may not be enforceable in certain jurisdictions and/or the restrictions herein may not be binding upon certain wishees in certain jurisdictions and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wishor.

This greeting is warranted to perform as reasonably may be expected within the usual application of good tidings, for a period of one year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first.

The wishor warrants this greeting only for the limited replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wishor.

Any references in this greeting to "the Lord", "Father Christmas", "Our Saviour", or any other festive figures, whether actual or fictitious, dead or alive, shall not imply any endorsement by or from them in respect of this greeting, and all proprietary rights in any referenced third party names and images are hereby acknowledged.

Not the Idiot's Guide to Dave Dobbyn

If this works, I'll be well pleased...

So might you.

I've been an avid follower of Jeff Giles' mp3 blog since I stumbled over it. And I haven't a clue how that happened, but suffice to say it was one of last year's better days.

So since September, I've been slavishly (that's the only word for it - slavishly) reconstructing his Friday Mixtapes on my iPod

"Slavish" probably doesn't do it justice.

"Obsessive" might be better.

It takes the form of looking for WiFi hotspots in Bangkok in the middle of the night (because the mp3 files Jeff posts have the lifespan of a mayfly) and then watching as the battery meter slowly creeps down below the forecast download time - a bit like cricket ODIs: 8 runs needed off 2 balls, 2 fours or a 2 and a six will do, but they take a single... - and you're stuffed, because that last track is IMPORTANT and people are looking at you as you pound your head on the table, yelling "Shit! Shit! Shit!".

Or lurking around the mall in Richmond.

Now I can feel for trainspotters...

So the idea is to (illegally) share the tracks that really stopped me in my tracks or have a special significance or are good beyond words and need a wider audience. Or the Mix'n'Match tapes from the early 80s that I've faithfully digitized. I can even remember why I sequenced them the way I did.

So here's the first one - Dave Dobbyn's Welcome home from Available Light

Why?

You have to watch the video for that...

At least I know where to buy one...

There's a guy in Motueka who has a thing about Morris Minors.

Quite an admirable trait, I'd say.

My fondness for them might have a bit to do with the fact that the pre-production lines in Cowley were running at about the time that I appeared on the scene

It has a lot to do with my cousin Ruth's surviving a massive shunt in one in the early 70s.

But - from what I've seen on King Edward Street - I can't imagine that there are many specimens roaming in the wild in the Top of the South.

"I see you're trying to corner the market" I said

"Whaddya mean - trying" he replied

Brain farts

Auckland Airport had its second evacuation in two days this morning.

It was unclear why the alarm went off.

The spokeswoman said alarms going off were not surprising as the airport was a busy place.

OK, so let's work this out then ...Auckland has around 10m passengers a year

Frankfurt has around 50m passengers a year.

Five times busier.

So if alarms are a function of passenger numbers, Frankfurt would be evacuated 5 times a day?

And Atlanta (80m a year) 8 times a day....?

I don't think so, dearie......

Speed enforcement

Not A Woman Of Few Words has this link to New Zealand's low tech answer to traffic management.




The Americans, of course, take it to extremes....











And I know someone who'd go for that. In a big way.

Spot on, David.....

David Hockney - Portrait of an Artist (Pool with Two Figures)











JB - The pool at the Getty Villa in Malibu last week












Why does Ian Dury spring to mind when I look at this picture..... ?

And - while we're rambling - I bet you haven't heard about his park bench.

How to get conned

"Would you like to go to Mac's?" she asks

I don't need asking twice - I'm in her slipstream in no time.

Thinks: I didn't know that they have a brewery on Trafalgar Street

But Pavlovian salivation kicks in and I'm looking forward to blowing the froth off a cold one.

Thinks: These girls all look under-age. And why's the place full of overpriced garments? And why are they looking at me like that? And where's the bar?

How was I to know the difference between Mac's and Max?

Will I be more careful in future?
Too right!

Woman walks into a post office........

"I'd like 30 stamps for Xmas cards" she says.
"Which denominations?" the clerk asks.
"I don't see that it's any of your business, but I guess I'll have 10 Catholic and 20 Presbyterian..."

This - and more - from Bob Dylan's Theme Time Radio Hour on XM Radio

What can you expect?
An hour's worth of wit, profound knowledge and musical eclecticism that you've only dreamed about.

Don't just take my word for it - ask Brandon Stosuy.

Don't have XM Radio? Me neither.

Do the following:

Go to Expecting Rain
Click on the mp3 link of the show you want. (Right now, he's up to Show 37)
This takes you to rapidshare.com, a site of dubious legality where you
Click on the "Free" button, wait for 1 minute and then save the mp3 file.
Drag it into iTunes
Then go to Not Dark Yet for the playlist.

Done.

Myopia, Skpe-opia

So we're at the Richmond Mall, using Orcon's exceptionally wonderful (i.e. free) WiFi hotspot to Skype with folks on the other side of the world.

This necessitates positioning one's nose in close proximity to the screen and talking into the integrated microphone - no such thing as a mike jack on Apple's PowerBooks.

An old lady - observing this for a while with some degree of concern - finally approaches and says....

"I think you need a new pair of glasses, dear"

Two weeks' worth of weather....

First New Zealand.....

Defying talk of global warming, New Zealanders shivered in December, with the capital Wellington recording its coldest start to the southern hemisphere summer for 78 years, according to official figures released Wednesday. The National Climate Centre said that Wellington's average temperature was 12.9 Celsius, 2.4 degrees below normal and the lowest since records began in 1928. Snow fell this week on Mount Ruapehu, an active volcano and the North Island's highest peak at 2,797-metres, and the temperature in Wellington hovered Tuesday around 11 Celsius, about the same as European cities now in the depths of winter.

then Los Angeles.....
A cold snap across southern and central California that saw the thermometer dip to 36 degrees Fahrenheit in Los Angeles -- a 75-year low for the second-largest U.S. city

-- and then Germany

Uprooted trees, blocked roads, canceled trains and general chaos – on Thursday night a storm raged over Germany, causing damage throughout the country and costing at least 10 people their lives. With winds of 202 km/h measured in Bavaria this was the strongest storm seen since 1999



You'd think I'd shot a bloody albatross or something.......

Bugger this.

What do you have in the way of "Yech"?

Manhattan Beach, which is an ex-funky, now very yuppy beach-front place just south of LAX, has a gem of a wine shop.

Instead of blinding you with regions, varietals or arbitrary categories, they just say:

Crisp - Smooth - Rich - Bubbly - Fruity - Bold - Mellow - Nectar

No wonder they call it "Wine made simple"

But I looked in vain for the "Yech" category.

There must be one - the Wall Street Journal tested 70 under-$20 chardonnays and had 64 of them in the "OK" and "Yech" zones.

They said.......

If we had to sum up the taste, overall, of inexpensive American Chardonnay today, we'd say the single most notable smell and flavor is pineapple, with syrupy sweetness, some acetate or nail-polish remover, far too much alcohol and a bizarre overlay of un-integrated acidity, as though a big sack of industrial-strength acid mixture had been dumped into the tank at the last minute to compensate for the lack of natural acidity (which gives wines life and makes them food-friendly).

If none of that sounds very attractive, well, yep, that's right.

I think I'll stick to beer......

Sieg what....?

Ponsonby people are just so friendly

I'm walking down Ponsonby Road, wearing my cool (I think so, anyway) black Hirschhorn Museum T-shirt.

This guy coming the other way smiles and I think "Might be an old school mate or someone who works in a record store"

Quick brain scan - not a flicker.

Keeps smiling, raises his arm from the elbow, palm outwards.

"Heil Hitler" he said.

I thought I might have qualified for the full arm-straight-from-the-shoulder-at-45-degrees with-fingertips-stretched ceremonial version.

I'm a little disappointed at that.

And he didn't even click his heels either......

The news

New Zealand is on holiday.

There are no news bulletins on TV until 6 p.m.

And they start with the story that a cattery has lost 2 kittens over the Xmas period and has had its licence revoked.

Hallo......?

I'm sure they'll scream and shout....

Travelling subload is fun.

You wait until the last minute before a flight leaves and when you think you might have got a seat, they'll page you on the aircraft and you have to get off again.

Not in Nelson with Air New Zealand.

All the flights are full. All day. The lady at check-in knows that and she knows what it's like to fly subload.

So it's 6:50 am, flight goes in 15 minutes and that's the official end of check in.

"Will passengers X and Y for Auckland please report to check in." Pause of about 3 seconds "Will the remaining passengers X and Y for Auckland please report to check in" Pause of 3 milliseconds. "Will standby passengers jb for Auckland please report to check in?"

"Well, I'm sure they'll scream and shout when they turn up" she said.

"But I did page them. Twice"