Guido Westerwelle...

...(Germany's Foreign Minister) didn't come off too well in the assessments by American diplomats (sic) revealed by Wikileaks today, being variously described as "incompetent, aggressive, and vain"

"Nothing new to me" sez Mrs jb " You don't need Wikileaks to tell people that the man's a prick"

I have NO IDEA where she gets expressions like this from....

I swear....

that this could have come from one of my professor friends....

Your next Presidentess

Transcript snip from Glenn Beck's radio show:

CO-HOST: How would you handle a situation like the one that just developed in North Korea?
PALIN: But obviously, we've got to stand with our North Korean allies. We're bound to by treaty—
CO-HOST: South Korean.
PALIN: Eh, Yeah. And we're also bound by prudence to stand with our South Korean allies, yes. 

 Please excuse me while I go hide under the bed...

The coolest dude on the planet

For legions of Rolling Stones fans, Keith Richards is not only the heart and soul of the world’s greatest rock ’n’ roll band, he’s also the very avatar of rebellion: the desperado, the buccaneer, the poète maudit, the soul survivor and main offender, the torn and frayed outlaw, and the coolest dude on the planet, named both No. 1 on the rock stars most-likely-to-die list and the one life form (besides the cockroach) capable of surviving nuclear war. 

Michiko Kakutani, reviewing Keith Richards' book "Life" for The New York Times

Now take an hour off whatever it is you were doing an watch an interview with Keith Richards at the New York Public Library.

Choice beyond words.

The Tasman District Council writes:

"At this stage the Council has not calculated the final costs of processing your application.  Should the final costs exceed the deposit already paid, then as previously advised, you will be invoiced separately for these costs.  Should the final costs be less than the deposit already paid, then you will receive a refund.  Where the costs are equal to the deposit already paid, no further action is required.  You will receive a letter shortly regarding the final costs of processing your application."

How about:

"We will contact you shortly with the final costs of processing your application, either invoicing you or issuing a credit for the difference between your deposit and the final costs".


"Where the costs are equal to the deposit already paid, no further action is required"

WTF?

Dedicated follower of fashion

I'm nothing if not a dedicated follower of fashion.

I'm in there right at the start of the season, buying my annual cashmere sweater, having already covered my other requirements (2 new pairs of denims and a pair of boots - every 10 years for the boots - from R.M. Williams and various t-shirts from art museums, rock musicians or ThinkGeek) early on.

So all I see in P&C in Mainz are v-necks in purple and brown.

Ask when they figure on getting round-necked cashmeres in colours that a bloke can wear.

"Well" he says "We'll be getting new stock on Tuesday, so they'll definitely be among those if the head office thinks we need them, so they'll probably be there. Maybe."

"Fine" I say "So there's a fair chance that they might possibly be definitely there on Tuesday?"

"Absolutely" he says.

Look around for Mrs jb who has rescued herself to a safe distance and is telling a salesgirl that they should perhaps call security and eject the old fart for the use of overly sarcastic language whilst trying to buy a cashmere sweater ....

The parable of the 5 potatoes and two fishes

Bryan had a lucky escape when he phoned his local Chinese takeaway, ordering two pieces of tarakihi and enough chips for two hungry people.

Luckily, the woman on the other end of the phone decided to check the order:

"So that's two pieces of tarakihi and chips for 200 people?"